Besides being an anime fan, a movie buff, and a bookworm, I am also an avid gamer.



Oh Tifa, let me be your wildest fantasy!

TOP VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS I'D TOTALLY BANG

(No Excuses, No Limits, No Regrets. Just plain surprise buttsecks, baby.)






Cid Highwind (Final Fantasy VII)

I know, I know. He's a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking old geezer with a bad temper. But check out his staff, it's looong I'm not really sure why I like him, but I remember loving him as a party member. When you win a battle, he looks so sexy just puffing a cigarette in a laidback fashion. Also, check out his broad chest, fierce expression, and toned arms. UGH I JUST SPENT MYSELF

Hotness Rating: 9.0 (I want to run my hands on his chest. .__.)
Where I'd bang him: In motherfucking Highwind motherfuckers



Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII)

I've raved about Tifa a million times--how she's romantic and dreamy but strong and determined and perfectly capable of protecting herself and others. She's saved Cloud's ass countless times while he wasted away pining for a dead girl. Which kinda sucks. If I were Cloud I would've you know, hit on her like crazy. Goes to show that the emo kids are BLIND, I TELL YOU

Do I have to explain why I find her hot? I think she may have turned me lesbian. For real. *o*

Hotness Rating: 10 (She's the epitome of pixellated hotness)
Where I'd bang her: Under the stars. How romantic!




Zell Dincht (Final Fantasy VIII)

Ah, Zell. I love your spiky hair and your punk shorts and your kickass skateboard. Your face tattoo is something I greatly envy. I love how you're everyone's uke. Try to stop struggling, will you?

His personality is as spiky as his hairstyle, and I love him all the more for it! It's so cute when he's all riled up...

Hotness Rating: 8.7 (Hotdogs, yay! ...I mean, uh wat)
Where I'd bang him: BALAMB GARDEN, hands down. In one of the empty classrooms or something



Mia Fey (Phoenix Wright)

Mia is probably hotter than the Sahara. Hotter than the planet Venus, even. She's actually the reason why I got hooked to Phoenix Wright in the first place--I actually just planned to play it for a bit but in the first case she's also the first person you see. I immediately im-ed star_flare and DEMANDED who she was. I FELL IN LOVE IN AN INSTANT.

Mia is a wonderful, inspiring mentor. Strict but playful, oozing with female confidence and respectability. I love her mole, too. xD

Hotness Rating: 9.7 (I'd take her case any time, baby)
Where I'd bang her: ANYWHERE SHE CAN'T OBJECT >:D



Phoenix Wright (Phoenix Wright)

I once dismissed Phoenix as a cute, albeit exasperated and weird character. But when Apollo Justice came along...let's just say he grew to become the type of man I instantly fall for. The scruffy, older, more mature type with a deep voice. Not to mention that his hair is just so AWESOME.

I think I squealed the first time I heard him shout "OBJECTION"! It just sends shivers down your spine, especially when he bangs his hands on the table so insistently. Ugh. I may have a thing for lawyers in suits now...

Hotness Rating: 9.3 (Take that!)
Where I'd bang him: In the courtroom



Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid series)

What's not to love? The gruff, manly voice, the delicious toned body, the epic one-liners, the side comments, the temper, the CROTCH, the ASS...my list can go on and on. It doesn't help that everyone's gay for Solid Snake. Every old dude and boss is after his ass. His name's double entrendre makes everyone snicker quite audibly, too. I'M A SOLID SNAKE IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

Seriously though, I love that he's so sardonic and straightforward but quite very patient if you ask me--he can sneak around for hours without complaining or making any noise. I love that he relies on small, trusty weapons and stealth to push through, instead of using huge-ass weapons and being a general annoying hero.

He makes fanboys out of everyone. Dude, I know straight-as-an-arrow men who FAP to him. 'Course they don't admit it, but they're even bigger fanboys than I am. Solid Snake makes them jump around, shout and giggle. Such masculine adoration! It's so fun to watch!

Here's what a fellow gamer had to say: "Being straight I don’t claim to be an expert on what makes a character truly gay. But I do agree that MGS is a homo-fest."

Hotness Rating: 10 (I'm Solid for Solid Snake! ...wat)
Where I'd bang him: in METAL GEAR! ...for the lulz
HOW I'd bang him: I'll cosplay as Otacon, I know he has a thing for geeks in lab coats




Sniper Wolf

Before EVA came along, there was Sniper Wolf. She's the original MGS hottie for me--frankly I'm quite sad people have forgotten about her existence. I don't care how many times Naomi shows off her breasts--Sniper Wolf's boobs win hands down. Plus, there's something sexy about a woman with a heavy Russian accent playing with her huskies and carrying a long deadly weapon by her side. No pun intended.

Hotness Rating: 9.2 (Boobies!)
Where I'd bang her: Out in the snow





Johnny Cage (Mortal Kombat)

Johnny Cage is the bad-ass, blonde movie star with sunglasses. He even made a fanboy out of Scorpion, which made me lol so bad. I love that he can joke around and make a fool out of himself, since everyone else in the game has sticks up their asses.

Hotness Rating: 8.6 (I'd FINISH HIM alright)
Where I'd bang him: Live, on television




Ayame (Tenchu)

Ayame is obviously the sexiest ninja out there. Stealthy but quick in her movements, she's definitely one to watch out for.

I actually liked slitting people's throats using her character. Which is...a sort of bad thing. I think? WHO CARES

Hotness Rating: 8.8 (Imma use my ninja skillz)
Where I'd bang her: Somewhere silent



Jill Valentine (Resident Evil)

Jill is the only girl of the original team sent to Racoon city to investigate its anomalies. I love her cute cap and outfit, and she can be very mean with a pistol. Jill can kick zombie ass ANY TIME--she's definitely one of the toughest female game characters out there. Chris was too boring!

I knew I was in love when I started controlling her. Damn pixellated booty never looked so good *A*

Hotness Rating: 9.0 (Not the Milla Jovovich version, though)
Where I'd bang her: Some place where there are NO zombies >o<



Sakura Kasugane (Street Fighter)

Do you want to know how many times I used her character just to press the jump button and steal a glimpse of her panties? I WAS TEN.

'Nuff said.

Hotness Rating: 8.6 (I feel like a pedophile)
Where I'd bang her: in school, right after dismissal NYAHAHAHAHA




King (King of Fighters)

I thought King was your occasional pretty boy, complete with blonde "matinee idol" hair, killer smile, rose, and purple vest. Turns out she's so butch--she couldn't compete in official tournaments in her hometown because she was a woman. *shakes fists at the men*

Ah gender-benders, why do I love you so?

Hotness Rating: 8.6 (C'mon baby!)
Where I'd bang her: At the center of the ring, yyeah



Tyrael (Diablo II)

Tyrael is the archangel that rebelled against Heaven to save Earth from Hell. Seriously, how cool is that? The moment I saw his distinct wings and heard his deep, angel-like voice I WANTED TO BECOME A HOLY WOMAN

Sure he doesn't have a face, but I don't think he needs one, anyway. He is beyond hot!

Hotness Rating: 8.7 (Oh my god!)
Where I'd bang him: In the secret cow level




Sharwyn the Bard (Neverwinter Nights)

Neverwinter Nights is like, my favourite game ever. As in EVER. So it was natural for me to lust after someone. But I think it's kinda wrong to lust after your henchman. But I couldn't help it. I was controlling my hot elven sorceress and I kept on staring at Sharwyn's chest.

She was excellent back-up though.

Hotness Rating: 8.6 (Sing for me!)
Where I'd bang her: in the Middlelands




Heihachi Mishima (Tekken series)

Heihachi's an old fart who likes holding tournaments, tormenting his family members, and making grand, but weird hand gestures. He also has a crazy hairstyle. But hot damn just look at that body! I knew I loved him when he wore a kinky waiter suit (just a bowtie, collar, a leather thong and NOTHING ELSE) as Lee's championship request. He was so flustered, he was even blushing. Awww, gramps!

Hotness Rating: 8.9 (Heihachi Mishima wins!)
Where I'd bang him: In his spanking helicopter




Camus and Miklotov (Suikoden II)

Yes, they come as a pair, because I can't see them without each other.

Aah, Camus, the red knight of Matilda. Aah, Miklotov, the blue knight. These two knights are the sexiest people in Suikoden II. They're hot as individuals, and steaming when they're together. I love how they're obviously kinda gay.

Hotness Rating: 9.4 (I would consider a threesome)
Where I'd bang them: In their quarters, ohohoho




Kyle Hyde (Hotel Dusk)

DUDE. Hotel Dusk is the major reason why I desire a DS Lite for myself-- the graphics are epic, the characters are compelling. I literally sucked in my breath the moment I saw it.

But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about Kyle's blunt sarcasm, his epic past, his sexy goatee, his cool trench coat, and the smouldering way he stares at everyone like they're smaller than ants. He raises his chin up and looks down with something that is both arrogant and amusing.

Oh god, I am such a sucker for men in trenchcoats, Rrr.

Hotness Rating: 9.4 (Investigate me! Please?)
Where I'd bang him: In Hotel Dusk. Where else?



Kirby (Kirby's Wonderland)

Yes, I know that Kirby is big ball of I-don't-know-what, and that it grows huge and eats everything in sight and looks so happy and cute while doing so. I DON'T CARE. I was so fucking obsessed with Kirby's Wonderland that I spent sleepless nights just sucking everything and beating all the levels.

Kirby defeats everything that is cute and wonderful in this world.

KIRBY IS SEX.

Hotness Rating: 9.5 I'd let it swallow me, if ya know what I mean ...T-that didn't sound right *A*
Where I'd bang him/her: H-how


Other video game characters I'd sleep with:

Kerrigan (Star Craft) Yes, never mind the tentacles, Tanya Adams (Red Alert), Keele Zeibel (Tales of Eternia), Akira Kazama (Rival Schools), other people I've forgotten to mention...


I miss playing games. Maybe I'll re-install Sims 2 and watch my virtual gay couples totally make out in front of the fireplace!

...hurrah for vicarious experiences!